I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no, he came in my armpit
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
