My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
