I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
