You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just cropdusted the office
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
