What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
