M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
