if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
