Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
