he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
