Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
