Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
