Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
