his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
