I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
