I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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