we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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