so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
