I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
