Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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