I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
