I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
