I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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