He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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