I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
