Got a toothbrush?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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