I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
