If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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