Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
