that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
