i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
