the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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