she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i think my cat just said my name.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
