I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
