pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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