You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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