No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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