He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
