shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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