dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
