well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
