Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I died a long time ago.
Its about making memories worth repressing
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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