Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
