there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
