Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
