Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
