If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
