I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
