I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
