So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
