I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
