i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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