you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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