If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
