Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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