I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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